All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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