Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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