shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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