my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
