hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌