After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize