She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit