Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
