My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.