ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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