I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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