I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
