He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
