Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
