God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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