You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
