Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want to fling myself into the sun
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
