I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
