my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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