TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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