24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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