Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
