he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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