So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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