Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
