I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
