i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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