Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
