You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize