FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
