I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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