just tell him i said nine months
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
