Yo dont text me then not text me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
