By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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