Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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