Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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