Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
