I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
