you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
