Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
