this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
