At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So vagazzling was a success
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
