the condom got lost in my hair
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
