I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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