Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Congratulations! We have a period
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