THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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