my mouth tastes like poor choices
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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