I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
