I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
