If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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