We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
