Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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