I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
