mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
