...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
