he puts the penis in happiness.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
