Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
