kristin has been a bad kristin
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
