wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
