I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
