I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
