I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
