in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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