Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize