I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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