I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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