We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
where are my eyebrows?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
