My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
