If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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