how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
