God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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