If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
