So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
