i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
