Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
