Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
