We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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