I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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