I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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